Sometimes, every once in a while, maybe more often then we desire or plan, you encounter a sex drought. There can be many reasons for this. I work in an industry that is season based. And when work is busier for me, the last thing on my mind is sex. Actually, that’s a lie. I think about it a lot because I miss it. Over time, you may encounter that there are differences between losing desire or just not having time. Either way, a drought may come upon you and your partner. When this happens, what do you do and how do you address it?

A sex drought can be the ultimate elephant in the room. And over time, it’s a conversation that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. It’s one of the classic hard topics that any couple may face and one that can sometimes trigger deeper issues. But there is no denying the importance of sex or intimacy in relationship. Anytime I have found myself in a drought, I have been fortunate to have a partner who is receptive to conversation. Recently my health has been a factor. So I am grateful to someone who is understanding in that regard. But if bringing it up in conversation is hard, what should you do?

1. Acknowledge the issue, don’t judge it. Too often when we bring up difficult subjects, our partner may go on the defensive. Sometimes this to protect them, sometimes it’s to deflect. Either way, try first giving face to the issue that it is present and not saying from which side it is coming from. Maybe you both work too much. Maybe you are both tired. Or maybe. it’s one or the other. Either way, saying that you recognize the drought is step one. From there, you can start moving on what to do change it.
2. What’s the REAL reason? I have mentioned work a lot. But let’s be honest, work isn’t going to change. So is there something deeper that is causing a pause in the bedroom? Are you feeling less desirable? Are you feeling guilty because you are busy? Is it the kids? Are you in a different mental space? This is the question you have to first really look internally for the answer before addressing it with your partner. And then, you have to be honest with whatever truth comes out.
3. Do you even care to get out of the drought? When you think about those old cartoons of characters being stuck in a desert, the mirage of water is always their salvation. They hallucinate to the point of hysteria because that is their ultimate goal: water! They want to be saved in order to get out of the drought. So do you want to get out? Or is this a deeper look into what is causing a shift in your relationship. Many have said that when the sex and intimacy goes, love goes. I don’t think that is true. Not totally. There are ways to look at how to move past a drought to make a relationship stronger than ever. However, there are ways to look at a drought as the beginning of the end. If that is the case….
4. Finding resolution. Like most relationship issues, there is an answer. Maybe not a clear one. In the case of a sexual drought, the first answer may be to address it head on, and make steps to bring sexy back. It can be a scheduled date night (which I am here to say, I am totally for. Especially if you spend the whole day sexting in preparation.) Or it may be therapy. Either way, start with step one. The answer may not even be in the bedroom. It may be in recharging your intimacy, or getting in touch with some of your deeper desires. Either way, find your way to the watering hole. And you and your partner can enter into a beautiful oasis.